Not my kid, but close enough. (Credit: Parents.com)
I’d formally like to apologize to all parents who I (when single or as a childless married) once unkindly derided as they bemoaned the horrors of the “Terrible Twos.” I was wrong. I knew not of what I snarked.
Karma is now kicking my ass. Besides being worn out from our daily lives of work, getting through the holidays and keeping house, Mrs. Simon and I haven’t seen each other naked since Halloween–and that was by accident. Sadly, I think we both looked away as if we had just accidentally seen a stranger at the changing room at Macy’s.
Simon Says: this part of parenting is a real drag. Now if you will excuse me, I have to go scoop up a puddle of toddler from the kitchen floor–she’s upset because she got the wrong color of “Froot Roll-Up.”
Next time your Conservative friends bemoan tax hazards for “small business,” show ’em this:
The “small” businesses that Republican lawmakers say will suffer if the Bush-era tax cuts for the wealthy expire are not so small after all, MSNBC’s “Countdown” reported Tuesday.
Some of these businesses, which include big names in engineering and finance, are “large” in terms of revenue, payroll and distribution, but “small” in terms of ownership, the report, by David Cay Johnston and Chris Hayes, has found.
According to the Republican tax logic, a small number of owners is the sole criterion for a “small business.” Such businesses, which according to the Joint Committee on Taxation accounted for 94 percent of all U.S. businesses in 2007, include partnerships, sole proprietorships and S corporations, a designation that allows owners to report profits and losses on their personal tax return, rather than on the company’s.
“‘Small business’ is a brand name,” MSNBC’s Keith Olbermann said.
Since everyone seems to have an opinion about the mosque near Ground Zero (and President Obama has two), I’d like to ask you all a couple of questions:
Given that white Christian supremacist Tim McVeigh bombed the Oklahoma City Federal Building, shouldn’t we ban white churches from Oklahoma?
As New York City’s indigenous Lanape Natives died at Ground Zero by the thousands when overrun by Christian colonists, shouldn’t we ban Christian churches from their sacred ground?
If a mosque near Ground Zero is bad, then why not ban all Muslims from downtown New York? For this to work, should we require all Muslims in the city to wear yellow crescents?
My office was in the WTC towers, which will now be rebuilt with all the upscale shops I remember. So, Mrs. Palin, are you saying it’s OK for Muslims to shop at Ground Zero as long as they don’t pray there?
The new tower will have the old one’s Off-Track Betting windows and bars with after-work “happy hours.” So here’s a solution to make everyone happy: Why not camouflage the mosque as a place to gamble and get into your secretary’s panties?
How about disguising it as a discount fashion shop: Kate Mosque? Or as a Disney retail outlet: Mickey Mosque?
Jamie Kilstein has suggested to me that we ban Burger Kings from Ground Zero in honor of the victims of heart disease. But Jamie, the BKs are memorials to remind us that in the eyes of God, all of us – no matter what religion – are just hamburger meat.
“O. Bin Laden” signed Glenn Beck’s petition to ban mosques from Ground Zero. Al Qaeda sure as hell doesn’t want Muslims and Christians worshipping in amicable proximity.
Several new Christian churches have been welcomed near Ground Zero … in Hiroshima.
Am I being too kum-ba-yah by suggesting some of the money raised for the mosque go to building a synagogue in Saudi Arabia, rebuilding the Latin Church in Gaza burnt by Hamas kooks, rebuilding the Babri Masjid mosque burnt down by Hindi fascists, rebuild the Hindi temples destroyed by Sinhalese Buddhists, and for Christ’s sake, build a bridge, not a wall, to share, not divide, Al-Aksa and the Dome of the Rock?
WWTJD? (What Would Thomas Jefferson Do?)
My own view? I don’t want a mosque near Ground Zero; I want it right on top of Ground Zero, in the new tower, so when we go down again, we all go together.
If you’ve had the fortitude to stick with this blog since my first post (I’m Not Arguing That With You) you may recall I was miserable with my pathetic career choices and fantasized about changing my life…essentially getting my groove back:
But holy crap it would be so nice to just walk in and…
Well, I finally did it.
I decided to start my own business. My wife was with me 100 percent. Sure, the economy sucks ass (thanks Mr. Bush and friends) but she believes in me. (She was also probably categorically sick of my bellyaching and wanted me to get my groove back, too.)
So, for several months I planned my work and worked my plan…I ate my daily quota of shit, avoided mirrors (who needed the pitying look one gets from one’s self?) and quietly laid the ground work for my daring daylight escape.
The day finally came when I was ready. The new business incorporated, bank account open with a whopping $100, business cards printed. I even had some customers.
One task remained; one I both relished and feared.
I walked in to Mr. Waturi’s crappy little office, looked him in his piggy little eyes and told him effective immediately I was outta there.
“This life, what a joke. This situation… this room….you look like a bag of shit stuffed in a cheap suit.”
Okay, actually I didn’t say that. Instead I said thanks for a great opportunity, but I just wanted to try to do my own thing.
His mouth moved like that of a goldfish in a bowl, but no sound issued. His piggy eyes widened.
After what seemed an eternity he (and I am paraphrasing because he actually stammered around for twenty minutes–going through all the phases of grief) said:
“Please stay.” (He was stuck on the bargaining phase, I guess.)
I was totally blown away, and for a moment I indulged him in his promises to make things more tolerable; his hints at greater things to come if only I would give up another humiliating year or two of my career. If only I would let him feast on the rich moist center of my career meatloaf until all that was left was sawdust and ketchup.
But I did not waver. Instead I agreed to stay on a few months to help ease the transition. (And earn a tidy nest egg for the business to boot).
I have to say…it did feel good to say farewell to Mr. Waturi. I’m no longer arguing that with him. Sure, I have a totally new set of fears to conquer, but at least I’m longer waiting for my real life to begin.
President Barack Obama made a trip to Grand Isle, Louisiana to discuss the measures being taken to bring some form of relief to the region and the actions being taken to both stem the Deepwater Horizon oil spill and prevent future calamities from happening. Over at Yahoo’s Newsroom, Brett Michael Dykes reports that for the occasion, Grand Isle was “invaded by an army of temp workers to spruce it up for the president and the national news crews following in his wake.”
How temporary were these workers? As it turns out, pretty damn temporary!
Chris Roberts, a Jefferson Parish councilman whose district encompasses Grand Isle, told Yahoo! News that BP had bused in “hundreds” of temporary workers to work on the cleanup of local beaches. And as soon as the president was en route back to Washington, the workers were clearing out of Grand Isle, as well.
“The level of cleanup and cooperation we’ve gotten from BP in the past is in no way consistent to the effort shown on the island today,” Roberts said by telephone. “As soon as the president left, they were immediately put back on the buses and sent home.”
Simon’s Groove is what happens when two former radio talk show hosts retake the mic for a raucous weekly show filled with chat about current events, pop culture and more. Simon’s Groove features interviews, music, movie reviews and corny jokes, too.